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Joke of the Day

"when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog"

"Why can't you tell when a pterodactyl is going to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent."

"I wish my new best friend from Spain came with subtitles, because pittbull only taught me uno do tres cuatro..."

"what are you listening to right know ? candy shop."

"And on the third day, Jesus came back. Because he accidentally left one of his edge trimmers in my backyard."

"As a customs officer, I don't always agree with people... ...but I see where they come from."

"Flashing my Costco card at the lady at the entrance is the closest I'll ever get to feeling like I'm on the VIP list at the clubs."

"I wish I had emo hair So it would cut itself."

"*turns on notifications* Notifications: I have a boyfriend"

"What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand."