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Joke of the Day

"A girl told me to come over... A girl told me, ""Come over, nobody's home."" I went over, nobody was home. (Rodney Dangerfield)"

"What do you call someone from Massachusetts who murders a bunch of Catholics? A Mass. Mass Mass Murderer."

"A Trump supporter and a squirrel humping an acorn... are both fucking nuts."

"You know, I heard a rumor that Stevie Wonder is pansexual. He just doesn't see gender."

"Some people are flirting with my delete & block button."

"I bought a grandfather clock. It's like a regular clock but it keeps telling you that it's lived through three wars."

"You did not have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up."

"What is a Mexicans Favorite book? TE-QUILA MOCKINGBIRD!"

"Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button."

"Being a bigger account doesn't make you a better person. We're all terrible people. We're on twitter. I threw a baby at a fox this morning."