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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

"I didn't think my son would make a good postman. But he delivered."

"NEWS ANCHOR: Here's Gary with day 1 of his outdoor summer weather report. GARY: [frying an egg on the sidewalk] I quit. Back to you, John."

"Monogamy is having one spouse. Polygamy is having more than one spouse. Monopolygamy is marrying the Monopoly Guy."

"Imagine me riding a bike. Wrong. There's no seat."

"The doctor says I'm depressed because I don't have enough iron in my diet so I've started nibbling on the gun in my mouth."

"What do you call an article written about a dead astronaut? An *orbit*-tuary!"

"New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have? Me: One"

"What's black and white and red all over? After it was stuck in traffic because of protesters blocking the freeway: a police car."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, there's no need for a lightbulb with a glass ceiling."