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Joke of the Day

"Pulled this one on my son today. Son: Dad, today is palm Sunday. Me (Dad): Gimme some palm. *receives high five* Son: *not entertained*"

"I self medicate, therefore you live."

"I went on a blind date and the girl gave me a honeycomb. Knew right away she was a keeper."

"What did the Palestinians do to honour Yasser Arafat when he died? They gave him a 21 stone salute!"

"Fun game: Order food to be delivered to your mobile home and then lead the delivery driver on a high-speed chase through town."

"What do ISIS/ISIL members use to clean their dirty vaginas? ...me!"

"Please stop giving your dogs human names. My sons Buster & Lucky are getting pretty sensitive about this!"

"Some people are like base model cars, you can see the spots where all the normal stuff should be, but it's just never been installed."

"why didn't the american leek want to talk to the japanese leek? because it was negi"

"Every time I post,, I get a rush like I'm releasing a little animal into the wild... A hideous, deformed animal that no one will ever love..."