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Joke of the Day

"Stranger: so what do you do? Me: I'm in seminary S: seminary huh? so you can't get married? M: nah, I can't get married bc of my personality"

"I jerk off roughly once a day. I try to be a little more loving and gentle the other 2-3."

"How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb? Should it really be a lightbulb?"

"Purse snatching is a great way to make some extra money while getting in some cardio."

"Did you hear about the girl who was dating the Berlin Wall? Things were going well, but it broke up."

"Why did the cow sign up for TSA precheck? Butterflies"

"Can you believe my fucking neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning?! 2:30am! Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums..."

"I have just been kidnapped by a fat dude in a red suit, shoved in a bag and taken to the north pole and wrapped up. Who put me on their Christmas list?"

"A prostitute got a tramp stamp It said ""tips appreciated"""

"""Here's your cup of Joe"" - Joe at the sperm bank"