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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW] What's the difference between acne and a priest ? Acne waits until you're 14 to come all over your face"

"What do the racehorse that finished in second and Michael Jackson have in common? They both came in a little behind."

"I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree. I think I found my spirit animal."

"I'm so sorry my pet rock attacked you. Its just he really hates arrogant douche bags. Thank god he only hit your face."

"Son, I found some drugs in your backpack ""Dad I swear they're not mine"" DAMMIT SUSAN, THEY ARENT HIS. 1st time we were proud and you blew it"

"How do librarians file melted marshmallows? According to the Gooey Decimal System."

"I don't normally pisses off anyone on reddit. But when i do [deleted]"

"What do you call someone who wears leather, likes bondage and likes getting inked? Moleskine"

"She wants to know what I accomplished on my day off, but when I show her she yells at me for not flushing. Marriage is hard."

"Did you know that Lorena Bobbit was originally from Russia? Her given name was Lorena Cutyourcockoff."