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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar and says OUCH!"

"I have an EpiPen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying...It seemed pretty important to him that I have it, I'll cherish it always. edit: grammar"

"My inspiration for jokes is like a guy at a brothel... It comes and goes... It also occasionally sucks ;)"

"What is the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman can go into a convenience store without Robin."

"What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew? The boy scout makes it back from camp."

"Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy, but here' say number. Call me maybe. Okay, hello Maybe. I'll leave now."

"[Captain America, minutes after the love of his life's funeral] Damn her niece is hot"

"*comes back with wife's purse* w: I said don't run or people will think you stole it! How many times did you get tackled? m:[bleeding] Twice"

"Tarzan a un raton Que le dice Tarzan a un raton? - Tan pequeno y con bigote!. - Y que le dice el raton a Tarzan?. - Tan grandote y con panal!."

"I thought she said ""tantrum sex"" and this is probably the most I've ever disappointed a woman."