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Joke of the Day

"Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot."

"My mother + my father condom = MOST AWESOME PERSON ALIVE!"

"can't wait till the robots turn on us as currently my only regret is that I am statistically most likely to be killed by a human"

"How many anti-social teens does it take to ignore a burned-out light bulb? None of your fuckin business!"

"What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy? A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one."

"Damn gurrrl, is that chocolate on your face? *licks face* Damn gurrrl, that is not chocolate on your face."

"How do you tell which plumber went home for lunch? He's the one with the clean finger."

"What if the last episode of ""House"" reveals it's all been the dream of a kid with lupus?"

"My computer is frozen. Unfortunately it looks like moving my mouse around in circles did absolutely nothing to fix the problem."

"Got super excited about a 200 meter butterfly till someone explained it to me."