35961

Joke of the Day

"When I take my drugs on Sundays, I always say ""Body of Christ"" because I'm all religious and shit."

"I hate Sharknado, it is SO unrealistic. Rain? In California? Did they even pretend to research for this movie?"

"Leonardo DiCaprio set to play a Long John Silver in his next role. Having previous experience with spending most of his years searching for gold."

"What does Michael Jackson do when he gets kids to the top of the Empire State building? Tosses them off."

"Duct Tape Turning ""No no no"" into ""mmm mmm mmm"""

"What do laws and virgins have in common? They're both there to be violated. (The sad part is that a Portuguese Taxi Driver actually said that seriously in a protest against Uber)"

"Killing mosquitoes by smashing them in mid-air as they fly by is so satisfying until you accidentally hit a person in the head."

"What's the difference between funny jokes, and the jokes that make always make it big on reddit? Puns. Fuck puns."

"Peter Jackson just found a postcard JRR Tolkien wrote his nephew in 1938. He's turning it into 22 nine-hour films."

"Dear neighbors, I am not killing my child. I'm washing her hair. Only she sees it the other way."