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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It does not matter the dog is not coming"

"I'm going to change my name to Benny Fitz...so when people add me on Facebook, it will say;..You are now friends with Benny Fitz."

"When my robot left me for Africa I had to ask why. ""Why are you moving there?"" ""Because! Botswana! Duh"""

"With hindsight, answering the door with one unshaven leg, one dripping with blood & radioheads ""creep"" blaring out probably didn't help."

"What do you MEAN there are no food trucks named ""Nom Chompsky""?!"

"There are three types of people in the world I hate. Racists, hypocrites and niggers."

"[dinner party] *host clinks glass* ""Everyone we're having a baby""! *whispers to other guest* ""Oh come on! I told them I was a vegetarian."""

"I might be OCD, but I'm not falling for that check engine bullshit. It's there."

"I was walking through Home Depot yesterday when I tripped and knocked an industrial vacuum cleaner onto a bunch of carpentry tools. It sucked on so many levels..."

"Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport."