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Joke of the Day

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and spiders, and bears, and scientists, and scientists creating spider bears, and science bears"

"Bernie will win the 2020 Democratic Nomination... ...because his supporters will be old enough to vote."

"I've just returned from outer space. I took a book to read while I was up there. I couldn't put it down."

"I'm not religious but I'm spiritual, which means I think the mothman prophecy is real and I don't feel bad about shoplifting"

"Who the hell does that in a sock?!? *squishes out of the room*"

"Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have herpes. Laugh all you want. You'll still have herpes."

"Did you hear about the grizzly who didn't like his daughter wearing a crop top? He disapproved of her exposing her bear midriff."

"Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter? He killed all 140 characters."

"Today at a work a few customers told me they were in denial about the approaching snow storm... I told them to watch out for crocodiles."

"I woke up next to a girl this morning... She must have been absolutely wasted, she didn't know who I was, Although that may have been the Roofies I slipped in her drink."