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Joke of the Day

"What's my New Year resolution? Well, I just got a Hi-Def TV, so it's 1920 X 1080i."

"Alcohol is like photoshop for reality."

"Jared from subway You know, if Jared from Subway goes to prison, he is still going to have an unlimited amount of foot longs."

"My wife and I have an ongoing game called ""Wipe Boogers on Stuff in the House"" that she doesn't know we are playing"

"I still struggle daily with how Ed Hardy happened"

"Q: What do you say to a man with five penises? A: ""Your jeans fit like a glove."""

"I have an eidolon memory. It's the same as an eidetic memory, but I'm also dyslexic."

"A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified... He demands, ""Are you suggesting women are primitives?"""

"If I have seizures brought on by soda... Do I have Pepsilepsy?"

"What should Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign be called? Hindsight is 2020"