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Joke of the Day

"Baby, you remind me of a perennial... cause you always make me come more than once."

"Lawyers out there, if I see any of my Tweets being used on Comedy Central can I sue..... Oh you don't think that will ever be an issue, okay"

"You hear about the new radio talk/comedy show in the Middle East ... ? Isis in the Morning ? You should catch it sometime - it's a real blast !"

"So carrying a ""wet floor"" sign and putting it down immediately after using your best pickup line on a woman is frowned upon Dating is hard."

"Guy getting test results from his doctor and the doctor says ""we have some good news and some bad news"" ""The good news is, we're going to name a disease after you"""

"What's the difference between a bot and a Trump supporter? A bot has a chance of reacing self-awareness in our lifetime."

"Two muffins are in a oven... the first muffin says, ""damn it's hot in here."", the second one says, ""holy crap a talking muffin!"""

"It seems a little insensitive for Batman movies to be rated PG"

"How do pirates measure rope? In yarr'ds."

"Every time we take our dog to obedience school I can't help but think about everything that we did wrong when we were training our kids."