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Joke of the Day
"Slept like a baby last night Woke up every hour and just cried about my life."
Next Joke
"Why did the chemist never say ""NO"" to anything? Because the reaction could be explosive."
"I'm going to adopt a tapeworm. Perfect pet, cheap to feed, doesn't pee, bark, chew stuff or sit on your head. Best bit, it makes you skinny."
"- Baby, I just want everything to be like it was at the beginning. - When we first met? - No, before that."
"""Where's my money?"" - a loan shark ""Where are my friends? - alone shark"
"What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton"
"So If I get lucky with a Native American... Do I get to say I Poked her in her Hontas?"
"I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do"
"Who sang the song that goes... ...""that's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat, I really love your tiger feet""?"
"Anyone who gives me flowers makes my whole day. Anyone who gives me anal makes my whole week."