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Joke of the Day

"(SPOILERS) I guess you could say Tommen... Made a King's landing."

"What's the difference between an old Greyhound station and a lobster with a double D bra size? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station."

"What do you call an expensive circumcision? A bloody rip-off"

"What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair (credit to my physics teacher's wife)"

"Why can't pencils have babies? Because they have rubbers on their end."

"[1st date] [to self] Don't let her know ur a boa constrictor Her: ""How's your meal?"" [i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table]"

"It's not curiosity that killed the cat ... it was procatstination"

"The police came to my door to tell me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. The fuck they are, I said. My dogs don't even have bikes."

"""What are you doing tonight?"" Gonna smoke some Herb. ""Nice."" -guys who work in a crematorium"

"*wife comes out in a robe* I'm hiding your present Yes it's wrapped Nooo, it's not in the fridge [5 minutes later] IT'S NOT IN THE FRIDGE!"