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Joke of the Day

"Alabama changed the legal drinking age to 33. They're trying to keep it out of high schools."

"I baked my girlfriend something for Valentine's Day It was a creampie"

"I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe."

"When Fnatic plays on fy_snow... OLAFmeister gets an ace"

"Walked in for bread, walked out with 6 bottles of wine. Now we're having communion for dinner."

"I'd like to... I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"

"What did the rabbit say to the carrot? It's been nice gnawing you."

"I ask WebMD to diagnose the weird brown mole I just noticed. ""1. Is it delicious?"" ...Yes? ""2. Were you eating Easter candy in bed?"" ...Oh."

"If one more teenager uses the term 'Back in the day'...I swear I'm gonna smack them with a floppy disk and choke them with my legwarmers."

"Before Twitter, I'd ignore dumb thoughts in my head like ""How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?"" Now, I tweet them"