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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I think Scientology was secretly started by Mormons so they could have a religion to make fun of."

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb"

"'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail."

"I hate when my wife says her friend at work ""got flowers again today"" and I have to kill that chick's husband."

"I woke up this morning to find Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...I was petrified."

"What's worst than finding a worm in an apple? The holocaust"

"dad: I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN son: HI VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN IM GREG dad: omg [sheds a tear]"

"The wife convinced me into taking her to Hawaii if she lost 20 pounds. You'd be surprised how many M&M's someone can swallow in their sleep."

"Most of us get into advertising for the money. Me? I've just always had a passion for making people feel bad"

"'I'm sorry' and 'my bad' are frequently used interchangeably... ... but never at a funeral."