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Joke of the Day

"Right on, adults who are excited for Halloween. I too get excited about things meant for kids. Last week I lost my shit because I saw a frog"

"Today I locked myself out of my car after dropping off my girlfriend at the local Planned Parenthood The worst part was having to go in and ask for a coat hanger"

"With the amount of people who hide their identity online you'd think this place is rampant with superheroes."

"[train] GUY: Please take my seat. ME: *adjusts pillow in my top to feign pregnancy* Thank you. GUY: How far along are you? ME: 5 stops."

"I have a splitting headache today. Voldemort must be back from the dead and attempting to kill me."

"What is Viagra for lesbians called? Batteries"

"What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun? Frank"

"Kristen Stewart always looks like she just found out she was adopted."

"*taps Canadian *mumbles ""Apple starts with..."" ""Eh?"" *whispers ""Your blood type?"" ""Eh?"" *mutters ""Best grade?"" ""Eh?"" *giggles *runs away"

"My internet connection on my farm was be terrible until I moved the router in the horse barn. Now I have stable WiFi."