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Joke of the Day

"Why did the hipster dislike physics? Cause the system is broke, yo."

"What is Jared Fogle's favorite meat in his Subway subs? 9 year old weiners"

"Me: So you're an Atheist? Him: Yup! Me: So what year is it? Him: 2015 Me: based on how years are counted after a certain birth?"

"My fiance asked me what I thought about having kids. I told her that I love children, I just can't bear them!"

"when you post a tweet so good you have to do a bunch of push-ups & your mom bangs on your door & tells you to stop breathing so loud"

"I don't care how old I am, I will see Finding Dory."

"You know, you're not that bad looking -- for a fat-ass."

"""OPEN UP, THIS IS THE POLICE!"" haha, no way losers. I've got things to do. *cop whispering* ""what do we do? this guy is owning us hard!"""

"[2019 USA] ""Where are you from?"" -Trumpsylvania, how about you? ""North Trumpkota"""

"Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't."