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Joke of the Day

"A friend asked me if I'd rather marry a mediocre woman, or my dream girl-- plus a dick. ""That's easy,"" I said. ""I don't want to settle for average. I'll take the girl with two dicks."""

"iPhone 6 for $900 or a ski mask for $1.99.. Your choice"

"My only real regret in life is not pretending to be a shark in a heavily populated swimming area. But there's still time."

"The vast majority of spider couples met on the web."

"What type of animal browses Reddit? Karma-vore"

"Today there was a band-aid on my plate, a bat flew in the house, & a bee stung me. Today was brought to me by the letter B."

"Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks."

"can't wait till the robots turn on us as currently my only regret is that I am statistically most likely to be killed by a human"

"*walks outside* Its real quiet.. Almost too quiet. *looks around* *lights BBQ* *1000 Dads emerge from nowhere giving generic BBQ advice*"

"I drew my gun. The guy in front of me drew his gun. Then I drew my other gun, and soon we were surrounded by some lovely drawings of guns."