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Joke of the Day

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves. Nah, I'm just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet."

"Some people are like Slinkies... They're not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

"Son, you can't give me any shit about having to teach me phone or computer skills... ...after all, I taught you how to use a spoon. Props to my old man for that one."

"What's a tongue twister? When your tang gets all tongueled up."

"Did you hear about the contortionist that fell in love? She was heels over head for him!"

"How many lonely guys does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But he wishes it took two."

"So I said 'I love you' but he didn't say it back. We haven't spoken since. Maybe he just needs space. Vet: Your cat's fine. You can go now."

"I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams."

"A man had an appointment at the sperm bank. He never came."

"A Priest and a Rabbi Are sitting in the park when a little boy walks by. The priest says ""Wanna fuck him?"". The rabbi says ""out of what?"""