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Joke of the Day

"The first time I run out of windshield wiper fluid is the last time I have windshield wiper fluid."

"I was having sex with my wife... and asked her how it felt. She grunted and groaned and said it felt like two. So, I reached down to investigate. The damn thing had done gone and doubled up on me."

"Why was the rooster angry? He just found his chicken strips. (Courtesy of my creative bartender pal)"

"[teaching my 3yo the alphabet] ""Ok what's a word that starts with Q"" cucumber ""That's uh... I don't... let's pick this up again tomorrow"""

"What's better than four roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ"

"I studied abroad for a year. But she got really creeped out and moved away."

"I like my women like I like my coffee: All over my lap while I'm driving."

"What do you call a naked blond standing on her hands? A brunette with bad breath."

"How do you put spaghetti to sleep? You cover it in peanut butter until it dies. My 4 year old made that up, along with a few others. Not sure how I feel about this."

"What do you name a deaf dog? It doesn't matter, he ain't coming anyways."