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Joke of the Day
"Next week, who's that pokemon? Its jay fuckin garrick."
Next Joke
"I'm a pretty neutral guy. I find it hard to choose sides. I mean, I have an uncle who drives a truck for Pepsi and a cousin who sucks dick for coke."
"I recently joined a group for ambidextrous people. It didn't feel right, so I left."
"Day 16,607: Still not stuck on a deserted island, and beginning to lose hope"
"15 out of 12 beers agree I can't do math when I'm drunk."
"MAFIA BOSS (ominously): Take him out ME: What if he's already seeing someone MAFIA BOSS: Well then you have to respect that relationship"
"Where does Chewbacca research his college essays? Wookiepedia"
"The leading cause of being cryptic is stuff."
"Hey smoke detectors, feel free to use that last bit of battery life to continue monitoring fires instead of getting all beepy."
"To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant."