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Joke of the Day

"Soup Person1 my alphabet soup is telling me a message. Person 2 what is it saying? Person1: oooooo Person 2 *sigh* Those are cheerios"

"Two men were sitting in a bar... Man1: I've fucked your mother! Man2: Dad, go home, you're drunk!"

"If apple made a car would it have windows?"

"Why did he do that? Who is she? What does that mean? When did that happen? Why? How? I need to go to the toilet. - Child, at the cinema"

"Criminal Tip: Buy a gun from a guy off the streets. As soon as he sells it to you, point it at him & get your $$ back. Free gun."

"THAT SMILE A reporter asks Bill Clinton,. 'What did you find most attractive concerning Monica Lewinsky?"" He replied, 'She had the prettiest smile I ever came across."""

"I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I've been using them for all this time."

"You still use Internet Explorer? You must like it nice and slow."

"[end of the night]*hand running through her hair, pulls out a lizard* ME: no not again *she unzips jacket, collapses into a pile of lizards*"

"Seeing Kenya on a map is like seeing a pussy for the first time. It's lower than I thought it was."