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Joke of the Day

"Over the weekend, my girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said ""Wow, that's an awfully big word for a 12 year old."""

"Did you hear about the Penn State professor who went around in a revolving door for six hours because he couldn't remember whether he was going in or coming out?"

"I went to a mock trial recently and I was really disappointed. I didn't get to mock anyone."

"How I met your mother was....... How I met your mother was.....nothing but a 9 year (season) long TED Talk"

"I didn't masturbate for over a year. That mistake blew up in my face."

"Don't call me ""Dad"", please call me by my professional title, ""Half-Eaten Food Connoisseur Broken Toy Engineer Butt-Wipeologist""."

"blondes Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ""It's dark in here isn't it?"" The other replied, ""I don't know; I can't see."""

"Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You're going to blow my secret that I'm a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit"

"Whats the difference between your mom and your dad? Your dad didnt cry when I fucked him in the ass."

"A blonde goes into a bank... ...to withdraw some money. The clerk asks her: ""Could you please indentify yourself?"" The blonde pulls out a mirror from her bag, looks into it and says: ""Yes, it is me."""