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Joke of the Day

"My life is like a romantic comedy Except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes. > HA! Hilarious and original! Encore!"

"So two fish are hanging out in a tank... So two fish are hanging out in a tank, when one turns to the other and says ""Are you sure you known how to drive this thing?"""

"Why can't T-rex's clap? Cause they're dead."

"I belched chickpeas in front of the Queen... She gave me a post-houmous pardon."

"Forgive me, for I have sinned. Same time tomorrow?"

"Why do men become smarter during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius."

"""Daddy, I-"" *presses button for soundproof backseat divider Wife: ""HOW MUCH DID-"" *presses button for soundproof passenger seat divider"

"Today I found out what it was like to play a FPS First person shoveler. gg blizzard."

"Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party? He didn't have the guts"

"Purchased an hourglass for my desk at work to flip when people stop by to make them uncomfortable."