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Joke of the Day

"By saying you want a sandwich after sex you're letting me know you suck at sex because you expect me to be able to walk afterwards."

"Bob just couldn't nail his roll down.. .. So he just decided to screw it."

"""I'd hit that"" -old people who drive"

"Being sick sucks. I've laid in bed for days, ate nothing, lost 4 pounds, didn't go to work and slept nonstop. Wait. Being sick is AWESOME!"

"My friend told me a joke about alarms I thought it was a snooze."

"Wanna hear a joke about the OP that actually delivered?"

"Why did Farmer John let his grapes go dry? He had his raisins . . ."

"*pretty girl walks by and doesn't make eye contact* She must be intimidated that I manage a fantasy football team that is 8-1"

"Goldilocks was killed last night The murderers did it with their own bear hands"

"My son is in hospital because of one little driving mistake... He beat me at Mario Kart."