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Joke of the Day

"In the event of a zombie apocalypse, who's the first to lose his job? a necromancer"

"Don't answer the door after dark because it might be an orphan in a basket and ain't nobody got time for that."

"If I was a plastic surgeon I'd probably spend my free time putting tiny breast implants in my toes."

"You ever been to the butcher with the chastity fetish? Say what you will about the lifestyle, but his meat simply can't be beat."

"Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox."

"Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)"

"How can you get a million dollars in a week? Start with 10 million and become a day-trader."

"If you were a Canadian and I were a Canadian and we bumped into each other, who would apologize first? I'm not a Canadian so get out of my fucking way! I'm Walking Here!"

"Sometimes a tough situation is best described... As being between Iraq and hard place."

"What's the difference between a dog and a cyclist? When you run over a dog you don't have to go back and get the GoPro."