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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so fat... She auditioned for Gargantua in the movie Interstellar but got rejected for being too fat"

"Me: Dad, am I adopted? Dad: Shit, like I'd have picked you?"

"Never trust anyone under 30 lbs. Especially when it comes to driving directions. Babies are liars."

"Pasta joke My wife laughed when I told her I was planning to bulld a car made out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!"

"Sitting on the toilet this morning, I was reminded of my first divorce. At first I thought it had been a clean break, but then it got messy and there was lots of paperwork."

"We're equally riveted by stories like the Chilean miners (33 men, 1 hole) & Tiger Woods (1 man, 33 holes)."

"Why don't they play poker in Africa? Too many cheetahs"

"Girls giving blowjobs for Louboutins - Whatcha call that? Head over heels."

"What do you call a cow with no legs? ...ground beef"

"Responding to every question with ""deez nuts"" has alienated everyone close to me, but it has been worth it"