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Joke of the Day

"What do you call fruits that aren't allowed to marry? [OC] Cantaloupes."

"Cashier: Smile! Me: Worry about your own face."

"Mike Rowe Penis Women have told me I have a Mike Rowe penis. I guess it must be because they think it's pretty strong and does dirty jobs... but I think it's a little small myself."

"If Oprah took over Favstar, everyone would get a trophy."

"3 great things about getting old and losing your memory 1. You're always making new friends. 2. Every joke you hear is new. 3. I uh, I forget the third one."

"Today in biology class we learnt about all the health problems related to cigarettes Thank god I switched to crack last week"

"The more fanciful embroidery you have on the back pockets of your jeans, the less I value you as a person."

"If I was a police sketch artist I wouldn't listen to the victim. I'd draw a majestic gay dragon then flip it over and be all, ""Is this him."""

"If I'm on a sneezing fit it's best to let me go, because by the 4th time you say ""God bless you,"" I'm ready for you to be out of my life."

"When someone's ignoring me I like to break into their house at night and steal all their shoes. We'll see how busy you are tomorrow."