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Joke of the Day

"I recently went to a gathering for turtles... ..bit dull. None of us came out of our shell."

"It's not a ""junk drawer,"" it's a free-spirited drawer without expectations or limits."

"*travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history's greatest monster*"

"I like to sit and stare at the Chinese take out menu for an hour and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times."

"What do you call Hitler underwater? Adolfin."

"People who automatically say it will get better without actually knowing what the problem is... is why there are bodies buried in my yard"

"My circumcision left me quite sore. I couldn't walk for two whole years!"

"What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes? You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/"

"We all deserve friends like the Backstreet Boys. If you ask ""am I sexuaaaal?"" and don't get a ""yeeeeeeah!"" in response, you need a new crew."

"Well it looks like it's just you and me.. [tumbleweed starts rolling away] WAIT TUMBLY, NO"