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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Helen Keller use an iPhone? Because she's dead."

"I ap-p-p-p-lied for a j-job as a r-r-r-radio an-n-nouncer. Sh-sh-shame on them, rej-jecting me because I'm b-b-b-black."

"I like my coffee like I like my woman. Cold and bitter."

"What's gray and comes in quarts? According to my mom, my new stepdad"

"How did the shattering glass get everyone's attention? ""Let me be loud and clear!"""

"I wondered if my wife was asleep so I held my phone a foot over her face and turned it on. Then I dropped it onto her nose. She's awake now."

"Woke up this morning after a heavy night of drinking to find out that I'd gone bald. Which is strange because normally I go for brunettes."

"Man at garage: ""Are you claiming this off your own insurance?"" Me: ""Yes. I don't think the deer I hit had any insurance."""

"My friend thinks he is so smart. He said the only food that can make a person cry is onions... until I hit him in the face with a coconut."

"A Mexican walked into a Polish store and greeted every one. He was handed a sausage. Edit: Ok I will walk myself out..."