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Joke of the Day

"What is it called when a bunch of people, all under 5'2"", go to a raging party? High wasted shorts!"

"the chemistry between me and any kind of food is just whoa"

"ME: [whispering]""Yes, 911? Someone's breaking into my house!"" 911: Stay calm. Do you have an address? ME: ""um no. I have on pajamas"""

"[nervously speeding up as I drive my date past a Taco Bell] SIRI: At frequent destination. Set this address as 'Home' address?"

"I can't see those guns made on 3D printers catching on. If HP make the cartridges, it will be cheaper to buy an AK-47."

"What do you call the useless skin on the end of a penis? A man. Courtesy of my grandmother."

"What do you call a failed resistance? Ohmless"

"A guy at work lost his thumb and had to replace it with his big toe. (True Story) Now we ask to get ""your foot off the table"" when he's eating."

"It was a rainy day, she had just left him and was walking back home... ""Nobody will find him there"" She thought as she walked."

"What do you call 75 year old John Cena? John Cenile."