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Joke of the Day
"I'm Skyping your mom right now I've got both monitors up so she can fit."
Next Joke
"[Job Interview] Sir, it says here you're part of a small group of criminals that primarily kills interviewersoohhhhmygod"
"Apparently just because I have the ""mind of a child"" I'm not allowed to sit on a Santa's lap. Also it's ""illegal"" to carry a brain around."
"Are you from the 316? Because you're an stone cold stunner. Edit: Stone not ice Thanks /u/cvillemade"
"I'm convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live."
"I caught a sea bass once. I wanted to mount it... But there were people watching."
"I accidentally swallowed some food coloring the other day. The doctor said I was fine but I feel like I've dyed a little on the inside."
"Being married is like playing cards If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."
"What do you call a black abortion clinic? Crime stoppers"
"a cool magic trick woud be if a magiciam puts their hand in a hat & sombody wearin a hat in the audience sudenly feels a hand on their head"