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Joke of the Day

"I met a girl in a bar last night and she said she wanted the night to be magical.... So I fucked her and disappeared."

"I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook."

"Happy Birthday to me. 27 years old... in Spice Girl years."

"Dad- I want you to have everything in this world that your heart desires. *Can I have oreos?* [NO]"

"Laughter is the best medicine. Depression is the best food. Happiness is the best animal. I don't know since we're clearly making stuff up."

"""you look good have you been working out"" [me thinking about earlier when i taekwondo kicked a birdbath like 7 times til it fell over] Yeah"

"At least my parents April fools joke wasn't a child. /u/ChodeologyPHD came up with this."

"I ordered some glue online but it hasn't arrived yet Must have gotten stuck in the post."

"The Planets 71% water + 29% land = Earth 100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars 100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus 100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury 100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto 100% gas = Uranus"

"whats a feminist least favorite football team? MANchester united"