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Joke of the Day

"party idea: ""DUI or IUD?"" u can only invite people who have one or both and u CAN'T divulge which"

"Having bad dreams is the best way to prove you can't even do being unconscious right."

"[cats on a date in a fancy restaurant] Male: I can't decide if I want tuna or the salmon. Female: *Slowly pushes pepper shaker off table"

"What do you call a religious man with low pH? An acidic Jew."

"Hey online media: ""Comfortability"" isn't a word. The noun you're looking for is ""comfort."" And it doesn't need you to give it a fancy hat."

"Just ordered a chicken and and an egg off ebay... Will let you know the results soon."

"Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit's dick."

"I don't have enough milk for my Cocoa Puffs. Buddha was right. Life is suffering."

"April Showers bring May Flowers. What do May Flowers bring? Genocide."

"Not to brag, but I can cure a man of having a thing for me in five minutes flat."