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Joke of the Day

"How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy? Because old Hobbits die hard..."

"Why did Hitler commit suicide? He saw the gas bill."

"Why are quantum physicists the kinkiest of all scientists? They have the ability to penetrate both holes at the same time. [explanation](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slit_experiment)"

"What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty?"

"I've been told I'm not ambitious enough. If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine."

"Why did the Chicken cross the Basketball Court? Because he heard the Ref was Blowing Fowls."

"me: *kicks a stone* mountain: my baby"

"What do you call two jalapenos getting it on? Fucking hot!"

"Did you hear about the musician that was put on death row? It's said that he is gonna be exefluted."

"If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull!"