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Joke of the Day

"I have a vegan girlfriend... and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot"

"I once heard that ""Time flies like an arrow."" But all I knew was that fruit flies like a banana."

"What do most people wear to court? Law-suits"

"Can't wait for the release of Jurassic Park 4D where they just let dinosaurs loose in the theater and you have to try to survive for 2 hours"

"The USA just beat Germany 2-0 Just like the score for the World Wars."

"I have a knock-knock joke for you... but you have to start it."

"I cried last night harder than I've ever cried before. I really should invest in a nose hair trimmer instead of plucking them."

"I've hit hard times, and to make money I'm going to sell my vacuum cleaner. Because right now it's just gathering dust."

"What do the members of Blackstreet like on their sandwiches? Mayo mayo mayo mayooooooooooooooooo"

"How is a pirate like a trumpet player? They both murder on the high C's."