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Joke of the Day

"When I die My only wish is that I die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling for help like the passengers in his car."

"Hear about that guy who was so desperate for accolades that he framed his parking citation?"

"What is the hardest part about eating vegetables? The wheelchair."

"Which route should you take through the woods when riding a fizzy horse? The psycho-path!"

"Zelda is a web browser Because Link appears in it."

"Why did the anvil hit the blacksmith instead? Because it was irony."

"when i was a kid my father caught me wearing a ponytail so he sat me down and made me eat an entire steven seagal movie"

"NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - ""cough, cough"" - now you do, too. I win."

"Why do people get suspicious when a baby doesn't like you? It's not psychic. It's a stupid baby with shitty taste in people."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just came out of this chick."