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Joke of the Day

"The reason old men use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly."

"Don't think of me as 40. Think of me as two 20 yr olds."

"Unexplainable things: 1) Stonehenge 2) ESP 3) How my car insurance company can magically lower my renewal cost when I threaten to leave them"

"Why did the gay vigilante get arrested? He tried to take down a budgie smuggler."

"Beyonce's birthday list: 1) The (former) planet Pluto 2) Maybach factory 3) The Taj Mahal 4) Lost city of Atlantis 5) Facebook"

"Four Mexicans were in an open truck that had run into the lake.The two in the front seat escaped unharmed but the two in the back bed drowned - they couldn't get the tailgate open!"

"What was the name of the Indian dating site? Connect the dots"

"Police: How did they break in? Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it? Me: They threw it through the window."

"What's the cheapest present for an ophan? A tattoo with dad"

"My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he's all wagging his tail, but I know he's not listening. I get it ladies."