206816

Joke of the Day

"Fred: ""I can't believe Ben is in the hospital. Just yesterday, I saw him with a gorgeous blonde."" Bob: ""So did his wife."""

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A brick to the back of his head should do it."

"Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster."

"A man goes to a partially deaf doctors Man: Doctor Doctor I can't remember who sang the Pinball Wizard. Doctor: The....... who?"

"Why was Jesus not born in Australia? Because God could not find three wise men and a virgin."

"When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don't say a word. Thanks."

"What task was assigned to the last electron to join the military? Survalence"

"Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged. I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters. (H/T Demetri Martin)"

"Casey Anthony is still unemployed...? She should have a pretty good resume though. She had a job as a mother once and killed it!"

"I don't think I should get a brain transplant... But in the end I changed my mind."