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Joke of the Day

"Take a deep breath. Good. Now count to 10. Right. Now slap someone in their face. Nice. Feel better?"

"My thoughts on the recent events by the Reddit Staff [removed]"

"There's nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can't cure."

"How to fix something: -Say ""let's have a look"" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say ""nah it's broken"" -Place hands on hips"

"*opens camera app on phone* *35 cats scurry under the couch*"

"Dem puns... Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine beans in Irish Bean Soup? Because if there be one moar, it'd be too farty!"

"I've never met an exam I've liked... They've all been too testy for me."

"Why does a chicken coup only have two doors? If it had four, it'd be a chicken sedan."

"I went to South America and bought some frozen peppers. Chile's chilly chilis"

"Why does the Illuminati have to be the bad guy all the time? Why can't they just be the Illuminice?"