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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I use a racist stereotype, it's blown out of proportion. Just like all the Muslims in the world."

"""Nothing is certain, except death and taxis."" Don't you mean ""ta-- *gets run over by a cab*"

"I can't picture myself getting a tattoo I'll get married and have children, but a tattoo is just so permanent"

"Happy Fathers Day! Me: Happy Fathers Day! Pop: Thanks! Me: I'll call you later. Pop: Don't call me later, call me Dad :') ..."

"If you were a pole I would dance all over you."

"My laptop said hello to me.... I think it's ""a Dell"""

"Morning after The morning after pill...did you know it's called the ""anti-baby pill"" in Germany? And in Sweden it's called the ""regret pill"". However in Chicago it's called the ""crime fighter"" pill."

"Today is the last Cinco De Mayo If Trump wins the election"

"what are pee wee herman's favorite baseball teams? yanks and the expos"

"Me: This is a picture of my aunt Marge... Rest in peace. Friend: I'm so sorry for your loss. Me: Oh, she's not dead, she's just really lazy."