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Joke of the Day

"Bought cheap helium gas. Now boyfriend's annoying snoring doesn't make me want to kill him, but my fear of clowns has tripled.."

"Why is Darth Vader's helmet so phallic? ...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin."

"What's black and white and red allover? My dalmatian after being hit by a car"

"I'll be buying me some more condoms after this New Years Eve! My old ones expire."

"So I'm reading that ""twerking"" and ""selfie"" have been added to the dictionary. ""Future"" and ""optimism"" have been removed..."

"I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a ""Pregnant Only"" parking spot in front of the Liquor store."

"What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear? White Vans"

"How do philosophers shave off their beards? Occam's razor"

"My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson."

"I've been with the same woman for twenty years. Don't tell my wife. She'd kill me."