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Joke of the Day

"10,000 worth of devices were stolen from an apple store last night. Police are hopeful that the 3 phones will be found."

"The number one piece of advice I could give to fish is to stay hydrated."

"Q: Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food? A: Neither have they!"

"Why a baker? Why did the baker become a baker? He just couldn't cut it as a butcher."

"Why does England always get attacked in the summer? Because the Knights are shorter then."

"Lay with me until everything crumbles and nothing but creeping ivy shields us from the incessant chatter of wandering cadavers. Bring snacks"

"A man runs into a bar... A man runs into a bar, and demands to the barkeep: ""Quick! How tall do penguins grow?"" ""About two foot sir"" replies the bartender ""Shit. I've just run over a nun."""

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because they're all dead"

"Why is being in the military like having sex? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel."

"Ever since I was a kid I had always wanted to be a door to door salesman... But then I found it's a hard knock life"