201840

Joke of the Day

"My wife said her new addiction is goji berries but I'd prefer she get addicted to something cheaper like cocaine."

"[grocery shopping] ""Actually it should be 15 items or FEWER"" I'll fix that sir [grabs mic] CUSTOMER NEEDS HELP FINDING EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS"

"Sean Connery's New Job Sean Connery's agent calls him up and says ""I've got an audition for you tomorrow about 10ish"" Sean says ""Great! I'll bring my racket"""

"So the FBI paid professional hackers to unlock the shooter's iPhone. But whenever I pay hackers to unlock an iPhone, I'm ""too insecure to be in a relationship""."

"I was gonna tell a gay joke... butt fuck it."

"What is the same betweem long distance track and school Your going nowhere and your doing it slowly"

"My wife screams like crazy during sex... ...especially when I walk in on her!!!"

"An invisible man marries an invisible woman... The kids weren't much to look at!"

"I like my men like I like my pizza With extra sausage ( )"

"In many U.S. States offenders receive a harsher penalty for hitting a dog than they do for hitting a woman. That's outrageous either way you're slapping a bitch"