200688

Joke of the Day

"Have you heard the one about the failed Swedish car company? I'd tell it to you, but nobody likes a Saab story."

"Hi. Everyone. I created a subreddit for topical news jokes. If you like Colbert, Letterman and Leno's opening monologues, come check it out. /r/newsjokes"

"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers"

"What do you call a midget psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large"

"The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job"

"*sees commercial* ""Talk to your kids about drugs before its too late"" ""Kiddo. Kitchen. Now"" - Yeah? ""This is oregano. Don't get ripped off"""

"Why couldn't the snake have sex Ereptile dysfunction"

"A photon checks in at a hotel: ""Are you checking in any bags?"" asks the concierge. ""No"", says the photon, ""I'm travelling light."""

"I went to that restaurant you said I had to try. It fucking sucked."

"The Middle Ages Queen: Babe come to bed its late. King: Not until I can come up with a cool name for my soldiers! Queen: k night. King: holy shit you're a genius!"