198949

Joke of the Day

"The last fight I had with my wife was my fault. She asked me what was on the tv. I replied, ""Dust."""

"What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic? Going inside and asking for a coat hanger."

"My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I'm off to find a bar with a mirror."

"Congress is like autocorrect It causes more problems then fixing them."

"I need an ex-boyfriend so I have something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning."

"[shopping] May I help you find something? ""Where are the giants?"" What? ""Your sign outside says there's a giant sale."""

"Me: What's your strongest weakness? Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!"

"I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say ""I'm hungry,"" so it died."

"If you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall."

"How did the pothead propose to his girlfriend? ""Marriage.. you wanna?"""