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Joke of the Day

"It was my first time, I was nervous The first time I had sex I was really nervous, so I imagined my partner naked, it didn't help."

"In general my philosophy is do whatever you want if it doesn't hurt people and it's not two spaces after a period."

"Who is the most trustworthy lover? Shakira. Her hips don't lie."

"Picking up a drug addict is easy... They go for any line."

"Remember when white people rioted when OJ was acquitted? neither do I."

"""It's no biggie"" I can't tell if they are trying to make me feel better or insulting my manhood on the first date."

"What is big, vibrates and makes a woman scream when put inside her? A chainsaw."

"Maybe if I swallow enough magnets I'll become attractive."

"What did Matthew McConaughey say about Steve Bannon's followers? They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right."

"""Did you watch Big Hero 6?"" ""No, I still haven't seen Big Hero 1-5."""