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Joke of the Day

"A classics professor goes to a tailor... ... to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: ""Euripides?"" The professor replies: ""Yes. Eumenides?"""

"For a long time I thought I was Jewish. But it turned out to be psychosemitic."

"I know it's gross, but the only time it's acceptable to shout 'I have diarrhoea' is when playing scrabble. Because it's worth a shit load of points. - Zach Galifianakis."

"How did Helen Keller break her hands? Reading road signs at 30 MPH"

"What did one ghost say to the other? Do you believe in people?"

"Wife: you're drunk Me: no'm not Wife: I'M JUST A POOR BOY NOBODY LOVES ME Me: HE JURSTA PRO BROY FUMMA FLOOR FLAMLEE Wife: Me: ok lil bit"

"I was watching the men's hockey at the commonwealth games today, I was thinking it must be a very dangerous game to play, I mean half the Indian team were running around with bandages on their heads"

"Being an adult is mostly hurrying up to get to places you didn't want to go in the first place."

"What does a Bills fan do when they win the superbowl? He turns off his xbox."

"What's the difference between a four year old and a baggie of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a baggie of cocaine fall out the window."